So tomorrow is a big day for me.
Tomorrow is my rebirthday. :)
Rebirthday? What? Haha, tomorrow is the five year anniversary of 1. Me accepting Christ and 2. me going to Heritage. Why does this matter? Well, when I was ten years old my life changed and I didn't even know it. When I was ten years old and I accepted Christ into my heart I didn't know what I was getting myself into.
Before that day I was so angry with God, and I thought He just didn't care, I thought He didn't understand. And then after that day its like all those grudges just dissapeared. It was like Jesus came in and said ta-da! And I'm not at all saying that life was suddenly easy. If anything I've gone through the hardest times in my life after I fell in love with God. But that's just the thing, as I endured, I wasn't alone and the way my situations changed, changed in only ways that God couild have designed.
And He showed me talents. She showed that I love music, and that I could write, and that I actually had a friendly personality, and so much about myself that I never, never knew.
And I got friends. I had people to hang out with, and talk to about my new love of Christ, and numbers in my phone, and inside jokes.
Honestly, I can't explain just how pathetic my life was without Him, and I'm not ashamed to admitt that. Honestly, pathetic. But like I said, Jesus came in and was like ta da! Everything changed, and I couldn't be happier.
Because life isn't easy, it isn't perfect. But I am blessed, and loved and God is absolutely amazing.
So cheers to me, but mostly cheers to God for keeping me in His arms for the past five years.The absoulte best years of my life so far. Five years, oh how everything has changed. So hey, might as well live like this for the rest of eternity :)
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
The Results Came Today
Govener's School For the Art's results came today...
I didn't make it. Quite the bummer.
For those of you who don't know what it is, in a bombshell its a three week arts program in the summer held in Louisville for Junior and Sophomore students in Kentucky who are interested in the arts. Throughout the program students take fieldtrips, work with professors, help the community, enjoy performances by some great artist, and are mentored to live life as a community of artist. Its pretty cool and its like a big deal to be accepted. Only 225 kids get in each year.
This year it wasn't me.
The good news is that I'm only a sophomore so I can audition next year. The bad news is I didn't make it.
But, it's alright. Why?
Well.. I have to trust that this is all because God has something bigger in store for me, and I guess I'll find out. And in all honesty, its almost a relief. Don't get me wrong. I wanted to make it, and if I did, I'd be flipping out right now, but it feels good to just write without the pressure of being reviewed, without the pressure of feeling like Oh! I have to do this so I can get in. I write because I love to write. Not for anyone else.
My friends are all trying to console me, telling me that I'm talented. Gosh do I love the support team I have in my life... But lets be honest: I'm not the best. I'm not at all saying that I'm not talented, because I've stood amazed as people have teared up because of what I've written, or impacted their life, and I don't think that happens when people don't have talent. But I'm not the best.
I'm not saying this because I didn't make it, or because I don't think I'm good enough. I say this because the fact that I'm not the best means I can only get better. And I want my passion to grow and watch my writing progress. It excites me that it is going to get better, and that God has big plans for me.
So I didn't make it, but I want to give GSA a big thanks for reviewing me and helping me grow as a writer, and for making me WANT to be better. You'll see me next year :)
Thanks to my support team: Mom, Dad, Sister, friends, mentors. Everyone who cheered me on and prayed for me. Thanks to Corrie for enduring this process with me, and to Ireland for not letting me not audition! Thanks to everyone who thinks I need improvement, and everyone who takes the time to read what I write, poetry, articles, everything.
This is my passion. I don't know if I'll make a career out of it, but I love it. I've said this a million times.
So hey, Might As Well go after my dreams.:)
I didn't make it. Quite the bummer.
For those of you who don't know what it is, in a bombshell its a three week arts program in the summer held in Louisville for Junior and Sophomore students in Kentucky who are interested in the arts. Throughout the program students take fieldtrips, work with professors, help the community, enjoy performances by some great artist, and are mentored to live life as a community of artist. Its pretty cool and its like a big deal to be accepted. Only 225 kids get in each year.
This year it wasn't me.
The good news is that I'm only a sophomore so I can audition next year. The bad news is I didn't make it.
But, it's alright. Why?
Well.. I have to trust that this is all because God has something bigger in store for me, and I guess I'll find out. And in all honesty, its almost a relief. Don't get me wrong. I wanted to make it, and if I did, I'd be flipping out right now, but it feels good to just write without the pressure of being reviewed, without the pressure of feeling like Oh! I have to do this so I can get in. I write because I love to write. Not for anyone else.
My friends are all trying to console me, telling me that I'm talented. Gosh do I love the support team I have in my life... But lets be honest: I'm not the best. I'm not at all saying that I'm not talented, because I've stood amazed as people have teared up because of what I've written, or impacted their life, and I don't think that happens when people don't have talent. But I'm not the best.
I'm not saying this because I didn't make it, or because I don't think I'm good enough. I say this because the fact that I'm not the best means I can only get better. And I want my passion to grow and watch my writing progress. It excites me that it is going to get better, and that God has big plans for me.
So I didn't make it, but I want to give GSA a big thanks for reviewing me and helping me grow as a writer, and for making me WANT to be better. You'll see me next year :)
Thanks to my support team: Mom, Dad, Sister, friends, mentors. Everyone who cheered me on and prayed for me. Thanks to Corrie for enduring this process with me, and to Ireland for not letting me not audition! Thanks to everyone who thinks I need improvement, and everyone who takes the time to read what I write, poetry, articles, everything.
This is my passion. I don't know if I'll make a career out of it, but I love it. I've said this a million times.
So hey, Might As Well go after my dreams.:)
Monday, April 11, 2011
I'm Not Afraid
When I started this, I thought one of the things I'd was on here was vent.
I thought I'd still be afraid of saying what I really truely thought.
But I'm not.
Today I told my friend to ask me if they wanted to hear the brutally honest truth about what I think. And several did... On Facebook you can do those things where you like someone's status and they tell you their honest opinion of you. It's usually just something nice, not that there's anything wrong with that but why are we all so gutless? I mean me too! Why are we scared to be honest with people, not to be mean but to be honest? When did we, as a society, as a generation, lose that attribute?
Everyone says not to trust because all friends do is backstab. Well I've got a really close group of friends who have been through a lot and we've all managed. But we've also all been honest with each other. No matter how badly it hurt. How? Because we love each other and want to see each other be the best us's we can be. So we bruise out self esteems a little but then help each other boost it to an even higher level.
So, tonight I'm blogging with a really good feeling. I was honest tonight with my friends. I was really honest. And it was really hard. And really scary. But I did it all with good intentions. And I decided I'd rather be hated for caring, than regretted for letting my friends slip so far away that they're screwed.
So honesty. Might as well give it a try.
I thought I'd still be afraid of saying what I really truely thought.
But I'm not.
Today I told my friend to ask me if they wanted to hear the brutally honest truth about what I think. And several did... On Facebook you can do those things where you like someone's status and they tell you their honest opinion of you. It's usually just something nice, not that there's anything wrong with that but why are we all so gutless? I mean me too! Why are we scared to be honest with people, not to be mean but to be honest? When did we, as a society, as a generation, lose that attribute?
Everyone says not to trust because all friends do is backstab. Well I've got a really close group of friends who have been through a lot and we've all managed. But we've also all been honest with each other. No matter how badly it hurt. How? Because we love each other and want to see each other be the best us's we can be. So we bruise out self esteems a little but then help each other boost it to an even higher level.
So, tonight I'm blogging with a really good feeling. I was honest tonight with my friends. I was really honest. And it was really hard. And really scary. But I did it all with good intentions. And I decided I'd rather be hated for caring, than regretted for letting my friends slip so far away that they're screwed.
So honesty. Might as well give it a try.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I Don't Get Mad
I rarely ever get mad. Honestly, ask people. I just don't get mad. I get disappointed.
I'm referring to this friend I have, well several friends I have that don't make progress. They change for the better, give me hope, then a few months later they go right back to who they used to be and sometimes they get worse. And I want to get mad, I want to yell at them and forget that I ever cared about them. But I can't I never can.
Right now I'm feeling like that. I want yell at them, chew them out. I want to drill in their head how much better they could be. But its not because I'm mad at them. I'm disappointed. I'm so aggravated that they could do better, be better, are better.
Am I the only one like this? I get hurt when greatness is stifled. Ugh...
Oh! And when they say no one cares, when they say they have no reason to change.
That's when it starts to kill me. But still I'm not angry.
Do you all ever feel like that? That you care about someone so much that not even their flaws can anger you. Cause everyone else asks me how I deal with it. How I can stay friends with people who once a week at least dissapoint me with their inability to see their greatness.
Well, because we have memories. We have a story, we have jokes, we have trust, we have friendship. They need me. And I need them. And I guess now I sound like a push over. But I'm not, because I'm honest with them, but I'm patient with them. And I'll support them till the day they realize how amazing they are...
I'm referring to this friend I have, well several friends I have that don't make progress. They change for the better, give me hope, then a few months later they go right back to who they used to be and sometimes they get worse. And I want to get mad, I want to yell at them and forget that I ever cared about them. But I can't I never can.
Right now I'm feeling like that. I want yell at them, chew them out. I want to drill in their head how much better they could be. But its not because I'm mad at them. I'm disappointed. I'm so aggravated that they could do better, be better, are better.
Am I the only one like this? I get hurt when greatness is stifled. Ugh...
Oh! And when they say no one cares, when they say they have no reason to change.
That's when it starts to kill me. But still I'm not angry.
Do you all ever feel like that? That you care about someone so much that not even their flaws can anger you. Cause everyone else asks me how I deal with it. How I can stay friends with people who once a week at least dissapoint me with their inability to see their greatness.
Well, because we have memories. We have a story, we have jokes, we have trust, we have friendship. They need me. And I need them. And I guess now I sound like a push over. But I'm not, because I'm honest with them, but I'm patient with them. And I'll support them till the day they realize how amazing they are...
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